


Heaven Sent Hell Away

by NovakSunshine



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Normal High School, High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-07 04:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6786085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovakSunshine/pseuds/NovakSunshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is the new kid at Truman High, and he's immediately captivated by two teens who have the same last name and are always hanging off each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden. Sam is 16, Cas is 17 and Dean is 18. This is a work in progress and it might get a bit complicated and the tags are subject to change but a happy ending is guaranteed!

Cas hates being the new kid. He hates having to stand at the front of classrooms and insist, “Cas, just Cas is fine.” He hates getting lost and having people stare when he walks in late. Most of all he hates making friends and then having to lose them the next him his family wants to move. So he keeps his head down, doesn’t raise his hand and doesn’t make a nuisance of himself. The last thing he wants is a call home.

It’s only his first week at Truman High and Cas can’t get his teachers to stop calling him Castiel, but apart from that everything's okay for once. There are so many students no one really notices his strange name and another new kid joined this morning so he’s already old news. Actually, people are being kind to him, offering to him show around, sit by him at lunch, Cas doesn’t know how to deal with nice. He's sitting with a few kids from his science class when he watches two boys walk in, and wow.

One’s wearing an oversized leather jacket with a neat crew cut and a sharp smile. The other is tall with brown floppy hair and a laugh that echoes through the canteen. The one in the leather jacket has his arm around the other's shoulders, pulling him in. The taller one lets himself be pulled down and into him, easy, familiar. Cas thinks they’re the prettiest boys he’s ever seen. The girl next to Cas nudges him with her elbow, 

“That’s Sam and Dean” She clarifies the unasked question. 

“Huh.” Is all Cas can say. 

x x x 

“Dean likes your eyes.” A voice stops Cas in the hallway. Sam is standing there, hair swept to once side, hazel eyes so bright Cas thinks they sparkled. 

“I… Dean? What?” Cas fumbles, looking down from Sam and at the floor.

“Dean, he likes your eyes.” Sam says again, a little slower, seemingly waiting for a response. Cas looks back up at him,

“I’ve never spoken to… Dean.” Cas feels weird saying Dean’s name out loud. He’s never met the other boy, only stole glances in the canteen, because really, Dean has the face of an angel. Sam nods, grinning with all his teeth, tongue licking his lips. Cas tries to not to get distracted by the action and fails. 

“I know.” Sam leans a little closer, peering at Cas, almost nose to nose. Cas swallows hard and takes a step back.

“Uh-”

“And now I do too. Like your eyes, I mean. See you round, Castiel.” Sam hitches his backpack up and brushes his shoulder on Cas as he walks away.

“Cas.” Cas stammers, “It’s Cas.”

“What?” 

“My name, I… It’s Cas.”

“See you round, Cas.” Sam hisses the ‘s’ of him name and throws a one-sided smile over his shoulder as he walks away. Cas forgets how to walk for a while before making his way to English. 

It’s a Thursday when Dean crashes into Cas. It’s between classes and Cas is scrolling through his timetable on his phone when suddenly he’s on the floor with someone's knee in his thigh. A few things happen at once and Cas is still staring at the ceiling while it’s happening around him. There’s heavy footfall echoing down the hall and someone shouting. 

“Sorry man.” Dean is holding himself over Cas with his palms flat on the floor, the muscles in his arms taunt. Cas is staring dumbly into a pair of very green eyes when suddenly the weight above him disappears. Cas sits up slowly and sees Dean fending a blonde girl off. She’s small but throws her hits like she knows exactly what she’s doing. 

“Jo, Jo, Jo… Jo!” Dean puts his hands up, and Jo flips the hair out of her eyes and relents, “I didn’t do it, it wasn’t me, it wasn’t me. It was Gabe-” And then he runs, laughing. Jo swears and follows. Cas doesn’t move for at least an entire minute. 

x x x

Despite his personal reservations Cas finds himself befriending a girl with hair as fiery as her personality – Charlie. Charlie is smart and kind of goofy sometimes, she’s completely unashamed in all aspects of her life. She makes Cas blush at least four times a day. Cas is sure that she must notice the way he stops listening whenever his gaze drifts to Sam or Dean. But so far she hasn’t said anything, until now.

“So, you’re gay right?” Charlie asks with the straw of her milkshake between her teeth. Cas is taken off guard, not so much by the question but because he was full on making heart eyes at Dean.

“I’m not sure what I am.” Cas says honestly. 

“But you’ve been checking those two out since you got here, and trust me, I get it.” She sucks on her straw and turns in her chair to face him. “They’re that perfect mix of hot and cute, both together and apart. But the Winchesters don’t mess around like that. They’re kind of… Committed. Yeah, committed. To… Each other.” 

Cas must look as confused as he feels because she pats his knee softly and continues,

“So, I actually got here after them but the rumours go like this. There's this guy, John Winchester who has this tragic back story, he adopts a kid called Sam Wesson. Sam is 11 and a problem, troubled like but then comes along Dean Smith, 13 and they just balance each other out, y’know? Like yin and yang. But then, they start getting close, closer than adopted siblings should be. And John, he doesn’t know what to do. Now I’m sure what exactly happened next but Sam and Dean are together. Like, together, together.”

“Oh, so I should pick someone else to observe from a safe distance?” Cas wonders aloud. It doesn’t surprise him, he supposes. He’s been watching Sam and Dean for almost a month now and he rarely sees him apart. Despite their age gap they always walk into a room side by side, shoulder to shoulder. Charlie pats Cas on the knee again,

“I think so.” 

x x x

“Do you want to go out with me? One night?” 

Cas looks up from his history book to see Sam standing there with his hands on the straps of his backpack. Sam sits down opposite him,

“Cas?” Sam tilts his head to one side, his hair looks criminally soft. 

“Yes.” 

“Yes you’re Cas or yes you’ll go out with me?” Sam’s smile is easy, confident but without arrogance. Cas feels something twitch in his chest. 

“You want to… With me?” Cas repeats. He wants to ask about Dean but he doesn’t. Sam nods and says,

“Are you free tonight?” 

“I... Yes.” 

“Great! Meet me at the cinema on Main Street at 8?”

“I’ll be there.”

“See you round Cas.” Sam leans in, kisses Cas on the cheek and leaves Cas totally dumbfounded.


	2. Chapter 2

Cas is home by 4:30pm in the afternoon. He takes the time to walk home and regrets it half way through. He thought the walk would calm his nerves and give him time to think. And he supposes that’s true, but all he’s been able to do is overthink, because he has a date, with Sam Winchester. Sam Winchester who has a mysterious past and a gorgeous older brother. Sam Winchester who is tall and actually quite graceful, a soft tone of voice and a really friendly smile. Cas thinks he might cancel if he could but he doesn’t have Sam’s number. 

Cas gets to his front door and there’s no car in the drive. Cas has never known his Father but he does have a family. He has his step-Mom and his siblings. His step-Mom is young and pretty and Cas has always known her as Meg. Meg is career driven and clever, she’s not home much. Her fast career progression means they’ve moved a lot. She’s always been practical in her Motherly duties, schedules and family meetings. Cas is the youngest of his brothers and sisters by years and it’s only him and Anna left at home. Anna is almost finished with college and wants to move out as soon as she can. Her and Cas used to be close but they don’t speak much anymore, there’s gap between them that Cas doesn’t know how to bridge.

It’s quiet inside and it’s almost calming. Almost.

x x x

There’s still a dull shine of sunlight around when Cas gets to the cinema. There’s warmth hanging in the air and the muted traffic noises are a welcome distraction. Cas knows he’s early but he has the irrational fear that Sam isn’t going to show up. There are still 5 minutes to spare when Sam rounds the corner. Cas doesn’t notice him until he hears his name being called,

“Cas! Hey, you found the place okay? You haven’t been waiting long have you?” Sam is standing there on the pavement, the sun is setting behind him and Cas notes that life is unfair.

“I haven’t been waiting long, I came early just incase I couldn’t find it. And I didn’t want to be late.” Cas admits, proud that he managed to say that many words out loud.

“You’re considerate, aren’t you? Kind?”

“I… I’d never do anything to hurt anyone on purpose, no.”

Sam smiles and nods his head towards the cinema,

“You ready to go in? I brought popcorn and sweets, I didn’t know what you’d like best. Don’t tell, ‘kay?” Sam winks and wraps his fingers around Cas’ wrist and leads him in.

Cas is sitting with Sam on his right side, the theatre is dark and the screen is bright. The film is about aliens or robots, maybe both? It’s noisy and crowded and Sam is inching his hand towards Cas’. Cas has been on dates before and it’s never felt like this. He’s held hands and kissed boys and girls, he’s even got close to the main event a few times. But right now, he can feel his heart beating in his chest. And he knows it’s dumb because this boy next to him, who’s been hand feeding him popcorn and making him blush, is quite possibly involved with his adopted sibling.

Sam’s hand changes direction and Cas feels fingertips grazing the back of his neck. Cas leans his head back and closes his eyes as Sam pushes his fingers gently through Cas’ hair. Sam takes both hands and holds Cas’ face, turning Cas towards him. Sam’s eyes are darting from Cas’ blue eyes to his chapped lips. Cas feels heat rise in his cheeks and he’s sure there are real butterflies in his stomach. He ducks his head and focuses his eyes back on the film. Sam lets his hands drop, Cas doesn’t look at his face but he feels a slight weight against his side as Sam leans into him. It’s barely there, not at all intrusive but understanding. Cas smiles at the screen.

It’s dark by the time they leave the cinema, there are stars in the sky and birds flapping their wings overhead.

“Can I walk you home?” Sam asks.

“It’s about half an hour away, I don’t mind walking by myself.”

“Is that you politely saying that this went bad and you never want to see me again?” Cas is surprised by the out Sam is offering him, Cas shakes his head no.

“No, no it’s just. I don’t want to keep you any longer if you have other things to…”

“So, is that a yes?” Sam’s patience is kind of overwhelming.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I know I can be hard work to talk to, I never know the answer straight away and I stutter a lot. I’m not always great at conveying how I feel, and sometimes end up conveying the opposite of what I want to…”

“Don’t apologise for being yourself Cas, you don’t need to be sorry.”

“Thank you. And yes, I would like you to walk me home.”

“Great! See, that wasn’t too hard was it?” Sam winks, bumps his hip into Cas and follows his lead.

They walk home and Sam talks a lot, but lets a comfortable silence rest between too. Cas discovers that he really likes Sam, he’s more than just his endearing oversized hoodies and hazel eyes. But that he also has a real compassionate nature. Not the kind learnt, or developed but the nature that you’re born with. Cas appreciates good company, and the way Sam looks isn’t exactly hard to endure either.

“Hey, I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to be… Over affectionate. I forget that not everyone is comfortable with PDA, or even wants it.”

“It’s not… I…”

“Too much too soon?”

“I just, don’t really know you that well.”

“I completely understand. Forgive my advances, Dean always says I’m like an over excited attention-starved puppy. Especially when it comes to meeting new people.”

Cas isn’t sure what to say in response. It must show on his face.

“What have you heard? About me and Dean?”

“That your Father adopted you both.”

“Is that all? You don’t have to say if you don’t want to.”

“Um… I heard something else too but, I really don’t put much faith in gossip.”

“Do you want to know the truth?”

“I would, if you’d like to tell me.”

“Well, to put it simply Dean and I aren’t related, not by blood. We kind of went through some stuff together, and sorted it out together. It’s good to know someone always has your back. That’s really all there is to it.”

Cas nods, it doesn’t really clear up the rumors but he likes that Sam is trying to be open with him.

“I wanted to ask about Dean when you asked me out.”

“Is there a reason why you didn’t?”

“I didn’t want you to change your mind.”


	3. Chapter 3

There’s only today and Friday and to get through, Cas keeps telling himself so. This week has been tough. Too much information, too many advanced classes. The only thing keeping a smile on Cas’ face is the thought of his date with Sam. Cas is staring into space in Math when his phone buzzes. He checks it under the desk.

From: Sender Unknown   
We haven’t met yet, but I’d like us to.   
D.W

Cas looks at the little letters on his phone screen they appear to make words but it doesn’t make sense. He’s still re-reading the message when another pops up. 

From: Sender Unknown  
I got your number from your phone when you were in gym. Hope you don’t mind. Meet me at lunch? 

Cas sends a text back saying “Okay” and nothing else. Because although he’d like to think at “D.W” is Dean Winchester, surely he isn’t that lucky. And if it isn’t, he’s definitely not okay with the thought of someone breaking into his locker. Perhaps he shouldn’t be okay with the thought of Dean breaking into his things either. Doesn’t he have a passcode on his phone? There’s just less than forty minutes till lunch. Cas takes the pen he’s been nervous teething out of mouth and focuses on Math. 

The bell, finally, rings and Cas packs up his stuff. He’s takes one step out of the class when someone grabs his hand,

“Hi, I’m Dean Winchester. I’m an Aquarius and I like long walks on the beach.”   
Dean shakes Cas’ hand with a hard jerk. Dean’s got a slightly more Southern accent than Cas expects, and his voice is almost as deep as his own. 

“Did you save my number?” Dean asks, raising an eyebrow with a smirk. Cas shakes his head no. Dean holds out his hand,

“Give it up.” He orders, and Cas reaches into his pocket and hands his phone over to Dean. Dean taps away at the screen, a smile still playing on his face. It really is more of a smirk. Cas can’t help but notice how Dean bites his lip as he concentrates on the task. 

“There,” Dean says, handing Cas his phone back, “I saved mine, and Sam’s number in there. He’s terrible at introductions and with details. I swear I’ve tried to teach the kid manners but he never learns. You know what they say right?” Dean pauses and starts walking, Cas follows, his brain playing catch up. 

“Can’t teach an old dog new tricks? You’ve never heard anyone say that before?”

“I have. Just… only about dogs or the elderly.”

“Hm, keep it in mind. I mean, if you’re gonnna be dating my brother…”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t… I wont-” Cas panics.

“Whoa, whoa. Slow down that wasn’t a dig. I know you guys went out the other night, I didn’t mind. I still don’t mind.” 

“Then why… Did you bring Sam up?”

“Enough about Sam, okay? This is about us. Do you want there to be an ‘us’? I bet I can out-date him anyways.” Dean stops walking and sits on the concrete steps outside the back of the school. He motions with his hand for Cas to join him, he does. Cas considers what he’s just head.

“You want to go on a date with me too?” 

“More like, as well. See, the thing is, is that I saw you first. Which in any other situation would mean that the date you had with Sam would have never happened. But he asked me really nicely and I just cave every time he gives me those puppy dog eyes. So, he likes you, I like you. I can’t say no to him and here we are.” 

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Say yes?” Dean puts his hand on Cas’ leg and squeezes. The unspoken “please?” is clear in his eyes, eyes focused directly on Cas, waiting. Cas gets the distinct feeling he should say no.

“Yes.”

x x x 

Cas makes it his mission between classes to run in Charlie because he really needs someone to talk to. Or to tell him this is an alternate reality or that he’s gone crazy. By some miracle he does run into and she grabs him by the shoulders as soon as she sees him.

“What’s wrong? Are you malfunctioning?” She grabs his face instead and turns it side to side. 

“I went on a date with Sam Winchester and Dean Winchester just asked me out and I said yes.”

“What! Did those words actually just come out of your mouth!?” Charlie puts emphasis on every word while shaking Cas’ head about. Cas would nod but she’s stronger than she looks. 

“Could you let me go?” 

“No. Yes. Meet me after school, I have to get to class.” She ruffles his hair and gives him a smile that reminds him of his Step-Mom. 

x x x 

“This is probably a bad idea.” Cas says, not really needing answer.

“Listen, I know this seems like a complicated situation but if you’re even the slightest bit curious you need to go.” 

“I am more than curious.”

“Then you don’t have a choice. Call him. I gotta run.” Charlie jumps up from Cas’ bed and lets herself out, shooting him a peace sign over her shoulder.

Cas spends an hour trying to talk himself out of it. Then he unlocks his phone and scrolls through his contacts. He passes Charlie’s name and then gets to “The hot and smart brother” and “The cute and funny brother”. Cas’ thoughts are confirmed, he’s so in over his head. He tries to go back to his text messages to see what number Dean text him from earlier but they’re gone. Cas doesn’t know why this is worth it, because really? This entire situation is consuming his every thought. The phrase, it’s more trouble that it’s worth keep flashing up like a neon warning sign in his mind. He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and presses call.

“So you think I’m cute and funny huh?” 

Cas blanches. He can’t tell the difference between Sam and Dean over the phone. 

“It’s Sam, but this is Dean’s phone. Dean! A certain blue-eyed boy is calling!” 

Cas blinks far too many times than necessary, his heart is beating a little faster than normal too. He hears some clattering and laughing through his phone, he thinks if he had the nerve to face them the next day in school he’d hang up. 

“Cas, hey. Hot and smart is what you dialed right? You came to the right place.” 

“This is probably a bad idea.” Cas voices his thoughts. Honesty is the best policy isn’t it?

“The best adventures start that way. Where do you wanna go Saturday?” 

“I don’t mind… It’s up you.”

“Text me your address, be ready at 11. AM. I wanna spend all day with you, and maybe all night too?” Dean chuckles, his voice sounds light and carefree, Cas envies it for some reason. “Bye Cas.”

“Goodbye Dean.” Cas hears the phone disconnect and wonders if he should call Charlie and ask her what to wear.


	4. Chapter 4

After a cup of coffee and some serious debating, Cas decides not to call Charlie. He feels selfish but he doesn’t want to share the information. He also kind of wants to tell anyone who will listen, but seeing as no one is around he doesn’t do that either. Instead he makes some food and aimlessly watches Netflix while ignoring his homework. Cas hasn’t moved from in front of the TV when Meg comes in. He hasn’t realized how late it had got because she never comes home before nine. 

“Hey Castiel, did you make enough for two?” She kicks her shoes off and puts her keys on the table. Cas nods, he always does. He knows how hard she works and she’s never made him feel unwanted or unloved. Even when he thinks he might deserve it. They never talk about his Father but now Cas thinks that he’d rather not know. Meg has a harsh personality and Cas isn’t sure if there’s a soft side he’s never seen. But he thinks he might love her all the same. She sits down next to him and puts her feet up on the table.

“How’s school? I did my research, it’s supposed to be the best in the area.” 

“Your research was correct. The teachers are helpful and the students are uncharacteristically kind.”

“Found some of your own kind then?” She gives him a knowing look. Cas doesn’t know what to say. 

“You know, I’m lucky to have you Clarence.”

“And you know I prefer Castiel over Clarence.”

“I know, but you’re just too serious not to tease. One of these days you’ll loosen up. Not sure when but I look forward to it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean that I’ve known you since before you could tie your own shoelaces. You’ve always been focused and studious, ever since then, probably before. You throw yourself full force into everything you do Castiel. You’re earnest and kind and sometimes I worry about you, that’s all.”

“You’re saying these things like it’s bad that I am the way that I am.”

“I don’t mean it that way. I just want you to be happy. Don’t get in the way of your own happiness.”

x x x

Now that it’s Saturday Cas feels a bit silly. He’s sitting on the stairs by his front door and Dean is due to be here any minute. Although he didn’t call Charlie for fashion advice, he did take some time choosing his outfit. Meg says she doesn’t know where it came from, but somehow Cas just knows it was his Father’s. He’s wearing dark denim jeans, a shirt and jumper, and over the top – a tan trench coat. It’s a bold fashion statement but that’s not the reason he’s wearing it. His phone buzzes in his hand,

Calling: The hot and smart brother  
Cas smiles and answers,

“Hello Dean.”

“Hey there Cas, you ready?”

“I am, shall I come outside?”

“Na, wait there a sec I gotta do this properly.”

Cas hears a car engine purring from outside before it cuts out.

“Are you driving and talking on the phone?” Cas furrows his eyebrows and Dean laughs over the line. Then there’s a knock at the door and Cas hears it through his phone too. With his phone still to his ear Cas opens the door with his free hand. Dean is standing there, looking as gorgeous as ever. He’s got his phone in one hand and a bunch of flowers in the other. They’re purple.

“These are you for you. I don’t know what your favorites are but I plan to find out.” Dean has the same easy smile that Sam does, Cas opens his mouth but no sound comes out. 

“I’m gonna hang up now.” Dean says, disconnecting the call. He stays on Cas’ doorstep in his hiking boots and leather jacket. He looks like adventure, or maybe a bad choice. Cas can’t make up his mind. Finally he finds the words to say,

“No one’s ever bought me flowers before.” And he just knows he’s blushing. 

“You wanna take ‘em inside and put them in some water? I can wait in the car?”

Cas notices the trait of consideration that he saw in Sam. Offering him an out when it’s unnecessary. He wonders why they’re both so careful about imposing themselves into his life? He think it’s sweet. 

“You can come in.” Cas offers, he steps aside and moves to the kitchen to find something to put the flowers in. 

“Let me guess, you’re really tidy?” Dean says looking around.

“I am actually, but this is my Step-Mom’s doing. I like organized, not minimalist.” 

“Huh, where is she?” 

“She works, everyday expect a Sunday. 8 till 8.”

“Do you… Never mind.” Dean shrugs and turns away. 

“Do I what?” 

“Uh, I was just gonna ask if you get lonely. But then I figured if you don’t then there’s no point in asking. And if you do, then it’s kinda shitty of me to bring it up.” Dean’s rubbing his hand against the back of neck as Cas sets the flowers in an empty milk bottle. Cas is struck by Dean’s compassion and doesn’t know how to respond.

“How did you break into my locker?” Is what comes out his mouth instead. Dean’s expression changes and now he’s grinning.

“If I told you I’d have to kill you.” 

“Well then I suppose you can keep this one secret.” Cas smiles back, putting his nervous hands in the pockets of his trench coat. Dean looks at the odd overcoat but doesn’t comment.

“Let’s get outta here.” Dean nods towards the door and Cas follows him to his car. 

They end up driving for miles, they listen to Dean’s music and talk the whole journey. Cas finds himself offering up information like he’s known Dean his entire life. Dean is really easy to talk to, he listens intently and makes these endearing as hell noises of agreement in all the right places. Cas learns that numerous families fostered Dean before John adopted him. He learns that Dean never wanted a brother but fell in love with Sam within the week. Dean doesn’t clarify in what context he loves Sam but Cas doesn’t feel the need to ask. Cas tells Dean about his family too, his many siblings, absent Father and about Meg. Cas says he’s never been as close to any of his brothers or sisters as Dean is to Sam. Dean laughs for at least a whole minute at that and Cas isn’t sure why. Cas also tells Dean about how he hates moving, and that he’s been to more schools than he can remember the names of. Dean goes real quiet before asking,

“What’s the longest time you’ve ever stayed in one place?”

“About a year and a half, maybe two.”

“That must be really tough on you.”

“I don’t really like to think about it.” Cas feels the walls of his reserved nature closing in. This is why he doesn’t make friends, this is exactly the reason why. Then Dean takes one hand off the wheel and finds Cas’. They interlock their fingers and hold on tight, Dean is the one to let go but not before he says,

“Then I guess we’re lucky to have you.”

x x x 

It turns out that they drive for two hours for pizza. Dean swears it’s the best pizza he’s ever tasted and Cas thinks he would have been okay with just the drive being the entire date. But it’s not, and Dean leads the way into the restaurant. They end up sharing a massive pizza, half is plain cheese and half is pepperoni. Cas is sure there’s no way they can eat it all but when he says this out loud Dean takes it as a challenge. The serious glint of competiveness in his green eyes makes Cas - honest to God - giggle. Cas insists on paying his half, even though the debate takes a good quarter of an hour to settle. Dean doesn’t seem pacified but gives in, Cas won’t have to know he snuck a few bills into his pocket. Not at least until it’s too late to give back. 

They get back in the car and Dean almost offers for Cas to choose the music. But that’s a privilege reserved for Sam so he changes it back to Black Sabbath instead. Cas isn’t sure that Dean has a plan for the rest of day, they seem to be driving further away from home and he hasn’t spotted any road signs for anything apart from gas stations. They come to turn which leaves the main road and Cas wonders if this is what Meg meant about not getting into cars with strangers. 

“You’re not planning on brutally murdering me for going out with your brother first are you?” 

“Well that depends, how am I doing so far? And yes, there is a right answer.” Dean talks with such charisma that it keeps blind sighting Cas. He’s never going to be able to keep with Dean's wit. 

“I haven’t thought of Sam until just now. Oh, and once earlier when we were on the doorstep.”

“I’ll take that as a win. You live to see another day.” Dean looks away from the road to flash Cas a reassuring smirk. 

They stop at a clearing. There are picnic benches and barbecues around. Although they can’t be that far from the main road, all Cas can see are trees. It’s beautiful. He’s looking around at the expense of forest when Dean interrupts with a playful hint in his voice,

“We’re going hiking. There’s a waterfall at the top. Rumor has it that local teens use it as a make-out spot. Wanna find out with me?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted this in a hurry, I've just checked the spelling mistakes - Sorry!

Dean must have done this before, he ploughs through the forest effortlessly. Cas keeps pace with him but only by following exactly in his footsteps. Cas has to take Dean’s hand a few times to let himself be hauled over a fence or a high bank. Dean has a navy duffel bag slung over one shoulder and still pulls Cas over the obstacles like it’s nothing. When Cas gets his breath back he wants to ask how Dean got this good at hiking.

They’re climbing higher, the noise of traffic and people fades. Birds are making noise and leaves are rustling in the breeze. Cas thinks that Dean reminds him of a wolf, wolves can keep a steady pace for miles and not slow down once. There’s the same kind of fierce freeness in Dean. Can reckons he's the type to fall into leadership too. Finally, and not a minute too soon if you ask Cas, they get to a clearing. They’re not at the top of the mountains but they’ve walked a long way towards the bright sky. The waterfalls are in the distance but the crashing force of water can still be heard. 

Cas noticed they hadn’t been following the path for a while. This place would be impossible to find without Dean. They’re both a little out of breath, clothes sticking to their skin. Dean drops his duffel and stretches. He rolls his shoulders and reaches up, fingers reaching into the empty air. Dean catches Cas watching him and his mouth twists into a knowing smirk.

“Don’t you wanna take that coat off, Cas?” Dean suggests, he’s surprised Cas kept it on for this long. Cas crosses his arms over his chest immediately before uncrossing them again quickly. Dean tilts his head to one side but says nothing. Cas looks around before he walks up a tree that's far away from the edge of the bank. Then he shucks the trench coat off his shoulders. He hangs it on a branch and hesitates to leave it there. Dean still keeps his mouth shut, he doesn’t want to fuck this up. Cas is one of the most endearing people he’s ever come across in his well-traveled life. Dean is no stranger to the fickle nature of people. He's spent his life watching his tongue and triple checking his words before he lets them come out of his mouth. 

Dean crouches down and starts unpacking some essentials, a blanket, some water and a Bluetooth speaker. Cas comes and helps him lay out the blanket without being asked, Dean smiles to himself. Dean sits down first, he stretches both legs out in front of him and crosses them at the ankle. He leans back on one hand and takes swigs of water with the other. Cas seems to nervously hover for a moment before sitting next to him. Cas sits cross-legged and despite his height, doesn’t take up much space. Dean wonders if there’s a reason Cas behaves so unsurely all the time. Dean thinks maybe it’s because he doesn’t know him very well yet, but he gets the feeling that it’s just part of his character.

“The coat was my Father’s.” Cas speaks lowly and doesn’t look at Dean when he says it. Dean nods even though Cas isn’t looking, he gets it, family huh? Dean can’t think of the right thing to say straight away so he sits up and puts his hand on Cas’ knee. Cas doesn’t move at first but then he covers Dean’s hand with his own.

“I don’t remember my Dad at all. But my Mom?...” Dean tenses at his own words. He doesn’t say this stuff out loud.

“I was 4 but I remember my Mom. I remember her dresses and her hair. I remember her voice and the way she spoke.” Cas intertwines their fingers together and lightly rubs his thumb back and forth over Dean’s hand.

“I remember always watching the way her blonde curls would move when she moved. The skirt of her dresses always seemed to float even when she stood still.”

“She sounds like a beautiful person.”

“She was. I know it.” Dean can feel it in his blood, he just knows.

“I don’t remember my Father either.” Can admits. 

“I guess they weren’t worth remembering.”

x x x

Dean keeps an eye on the time, he doesn’t want to get stuck hiking back down in the dark. He’s been on enough hunting and camping trips to know that’s a really stupid idea. There are crappy radio number ones playing through the speaker that's on the blanket, but Dean can’t bring himself to care. Talking about his family isn’t something he can do with Sam, or with John for that matter. Dean remembers the sullen look on Sam’s face when John brought him home. Just thinking about it makes Dean feel sick. He tried asking Sam about it once, his family, the family that gave him up. All Dean got in response was a look that made him feel about two inches tall and like crap for asking. He noted it down as an off limits topic and they’ve never spoken about it since.

Dean revels in the way he can be open about it with Cas. If Dean is being honest with himself he really needs to talk about her sometimes. Mary. Dean doesn’t think he’s supposed to know or remember her name, but he does. He’s never even said it aloud and he doesn’t think he ever will. It feels too much like a prayer. Dean feels guilty every time he thinks about his Mom, because it reminds him that doesn’t remember his Dad. What kind of Son forgets his own Dad? But then Cas comes along all dark hair and light eyes, holds his hand and Dean feels the weight of the world lift off his shoulders.

It’s strange and Dean can’t really explain it. And he certainly can’t find the words to say it. But there’s something about Cas. He had the same feeling when he met Sam. Like he’s drawn to him, to them both. There’s something inside him that has been pulling him and Sam together since day one. And Dean remembers slapping Sam on the thigh, and then in the chest the first time he saw Cas. Because well, didn’t Cas just look like someone he needed to know? Dean pinched Sam on the inside of his wrist as a warning when he declared dibbs. But things are never simple are they.

Dean’s head feels a little overwhelmed if he lets himself think about it for too long. He doesn’t like to evaluate why he is the way he is. Why he got stuck being the odd piece of the puzzle until he met Sam. Although he supposes Sam was worth every disappointed look and harsh word. Dean is lost without him. And now he’s here with Cas and although Sam is never more than a thought away, he doesn’t find himself desperately wanting to get back to him like usual. He doesn’t know if he likes it or not, but he knows one thing for sure.

“Do you remember what I said when we got here?” Dean shuffles so he’s facing Cas.

“I do.” Cas blushes and Dean grins. Cas moves so he’s sitting face on to Dean. They both sitting cross-legged with their knees touching through denim. Dean has one hand still twisted with Cas’ and reaches the other to touch his dark hair. Dean pushes small half curls away from Cas’ ear with his fingertips and rubs his thumb on the shell of Cas' ear. Cas hums, deep in the back of his throat and leans into it loosely. Dean puts both of his hands on Cas’ face and makes sure Cas can see his eyes. Cas is blinking an awful lot and he keeps licking his lips. His hands are clasped together in his lap like he doesn’t know what to do with them.

Dean leans in, real slowly. Cas thinks time slows down. He’s looking at Dean but out of the corner of his eye he can see his tan coat floating in the breeze. Cas thinks of how much it reminds from of a flag perched on a summit. Something slots into place in Cas’ mind, there’s an odd sense of peace that settles over him. Maybe only a second has passed but Cas feels renewed. It feels biblical. Then Cas feels ridiculous for thinking so but then Dean kisses him. And yeah, that’s worthy of the biblical comparison. Cas pushes into Dean, his body crowding closer. He kisses Dean back with his whole being. The solid force of Cas’ body that is pressing up against him surprises Dean. Dean’s hands end up under Cas’s layers which pulls a noise from Cas that Dean really wants to hear again.

They break apart to breathe and simply watch each other. Dean registers that Cas is sitting in his lap with his legs wrapped around Dean’s hips. Dean finds himself panting slightly for breath and nudges his head into Cas’ shoulder. Cas isn’t sure how long they stay wrapped around each other. Dean is the one who groans and falls back so he’s laying down and says,

“We gotta start heading back down before it gets dark.”

Cas ends up with his knees either side of Dean’s hips and nods in agreement.

x x x

Cas knows better than most that good things aren’t made to last. In the past two months he’s spent his evenings at movie theaters and pizzerias. His weekends at aquariums, museums, concerts. Cas has lost count of all the dates he’s spent with Sam and Dean. They never seem to cross over into each other’s territory. Cas wonders if they talk to each other about that, about him. Right now he’s sitting in the back of John Winchester’s car. Dean is in the driver’s seat and Sam is riding shotgun. Cas thinks it might be a metaphor for how don’t really need him. That it will always be Sam and Dean. And then Cas. His knowledge of the Winchester brothers has grown considerably since the Cas met them. He feels like he’s being allowed into a different world. A world reserved for Sam and Dean. And now Cas.

He’s pulled out of his own head of thoughts when Sam says,

“We need to talk.” And then Dean says,

“All three of us.”


	6. Chapter 6

Cas doesn’t want to think it, let alone say it out loud. But he does because he’s learnt to fear the worst,

“Are you breaking up with me?” He looks at both brothers, one at a time and they both rush to reply,

“No!” Dean’s looking at Sam and Cas can’t help but wonder if it really means yes. Dean comes out and says it,

“We don’t want to date you, separately. We want you to be with… Both of us.” 

“Dean and I… I know we haven’t been lying to you but we haven’t been completely honest either.”

“Yeah, I mean… Sam and I we… Listen-”

“Yes” Cas says.

“What?” Dean’s voice sounds higher than normal, “You know what we’re asking right? We’re asking you to have a relationship with two other people. Two other people who on paper are legally brothers.” 

“I understand what I know. I know that I want to be with you, and with you, Sam.” 

“This is a big deal for us Cas.” Sam states, “We have only ever been with each other, I mean. We’ve seen other people individually but when it comes to the two of us we’ve stayed exclusive. We’ve never dated the same person that’s for sure but you’re different Cas.”

It sounds like a compliment from Sam but all the times Cas has heard ‘you’re different’ before makes him uneasy. 

“I don’t want to be different.” Cas voices his feelings, he can’t help it, “I’ve been told that I’m different ever since I can remember. My family situation, my awkwardness, my name! I can’t deal with being different anymore.”

Dean opens his car door and moves to the backseat with Cas. Dean pulls Cas into his chest and holds him close.

“Cas, buddy, you’re getting it all wrong. When we say that you’re different we mean it in the best way possible. You’ve just taken us both off guard and trust me, that’s a hard thing to do. You came into our already fucked up lives and just turned it upside down.”

“What Dean is trying to say is that we get it. We get being different. We get being pushed around and being unwanted. Being outside what other people think is normal and we’ve learnt a really good way to deal with it Cas. You wanna know how?”

Cas looks up and Dean says,

“Well first we stick together.” And Sam finishes,

“Then we tell the world to go screw itself.” 

x x x 

Sam is uncharacteristically nervous. Sam doesn’t get nervous. Sam trusts in fact and feels safe in structure. Tonight is his date night with Cas. But Sam doesn’t think it’s going to be like any of the others. Sam lies down on his tidy bed and stares at the ceiling. There’s the sound of music pressing against the adjoining wall, Dean’s room. Sam doesn’t mind it, it’s actually become a welcome sound in the quiet of their home. He doesn’t know where John is and he doesn’t care enough to ask Dean. Slowly Sam’s thoughts come back around to him being nervous. Tonight is his date night with Cas, but when he gets here Sam is going to ask him if he minds if Dean comes too. 

Things are changing and change makes Sam uncomfortable. The unknown is a horrid source of panic for Sam. The not knowing, the uncertainty, it eats at him. It’s never been that way with Dean. Sam knows Dean is forever, he can feel it in his veins. He supposes the situation is an odd one, because even if Dean and him break up, they’re still technically brothers. They’re stuck with each other. Sam thinks that when he’s older he’d like to be a lawyer. That complex construct of law, right and wrong. It all seems so black and white. Right up until it isn’t. It still baffles him sometimes, how his first kiss was with Dean Winchester, when his own last name is Winchester too. If he heard someone else tell the story he’d think they were a little fucked up too.

But they aren’t really brothers, Sam consoles himself with that fact. Although when he thinks about Dean, Dean and his freckles, green eyes and adoring smile. Well blood brothers or not Sam knows he couldn’t help falling in love. 

And now there’s Cas, Cas with his shy blue eyes, blushing cheeks and deep tone of voice. Sam knew he was taking a risk with Dean approaching Cas first but he did it anyway. And wasn’t that a scary thought? Sam had never done anything Dean didn’t want him to. But with Cas? Sam couldn’t think about much else from the first time Dean pointed him out. It feels electric when Cas takes his hand, when Cas returns his kiss, when Cas leans into him. It feels like sunshine and rainbows when Cas laughs and when Cas says his name against his throat and when Cas touches his skin. Sam is in a ridiculous awe of him really. 

Sam is fascinated with everything about Cas. The way he bites his lip, the way his hair curls at the base of his neck, the way he never knows what to do with his hands. The way he enters a room, head down and always wearing too many layers. The way he let’s himself relax around Sam, his shoulders loosen and he holds his head a little higher. Sam feels like he’s spent a lifetime watching Cas sometimes. And Sam feels guilty but he he’s watched Cas with Dean too. When they’re just leaving or just coming back from a day or a night out. They walk so close to each other you could balance a Ping-Pong ball between them. 

Cas is careful and considerate in his actions and with his words. Sometimes Sam can talk all night without Cas saying anything. Cas likes listening, he’s told Sam so. Cas is definitely what Sam would call socially awkward. He doesn’t seem to know when to interject his opinion or when it’s his turn to speak. He stands too close to everyone and sometimes he points out the obvious and other times he won’t say a thing even when something’s bothering him. Sam wants to learn everything there is to know about him and then relearn it all again. He’s not jealous that Cas wants Dean too, because hey, ditto. But Sam has never been with more than one person at the same time, together. 

He’s been in more horribly awkward first situations with Dean than he cares to recall. And he’s never felt even an ounce of awkwardness between Cas and him. But the two of them together? Yeah, he’s nervous. 

“Knock, knock.” Dean’s voice is muffled by Sam’s closed door.

“Come in.” 

“Hey, nice shirt.” Dean comments and lays down next him.

“This is yours.” Sam half-heartedly elbows Dean in the side.

“What’s mine, huh?” Dean rolls on top of him and leans down so he’s speaking right in Sam’s ear, “What’s mine Sammy?” Sam presses his head back into his pillow so Dean can lick and nip up the side of his neck. The dull drag of Dean’s teeth across his sensitive skin makes Sam gasp for air. Dean knots a hand in Sam’s hair and pulls to give himself better access. Sam goes easily at the pull and his hands are grasping at the fabric on the back of Dean’s t-shirt. Sam vaguely remembers that Dean has asked him a question as he feels a hand sliding up under the shirt that does belong to his brother. 

“Always… Yours… Dean…” Sam gets his words out in short puffs of breath and his body twists under Dean when fingernails scrape gloriously down his chest to his hip. 

“Don’t you forget that,” Dean rubs his thumb into the curve of Sam’s hipbone, cradles his head with the other and kisses him quick and deep, “But if you ever do, I’ll always be more than happy to remind you.” 

Sam’s got his hands under Dean’s t-shirt now, pads exploring the familiar territory. Dean’s skin is hot under his touch. Sam knows there’s a dumb grin across his face because Dean’s looking at him the way he does when he’s achieved just that. Sam always resounds to play harder to get with Dean, but Dean is a force that not even Sam can wrangle. Not that he really wants to, but it’s fun to try. Dean lies back down next to him and joins him in staring up at nothing.

“We won’t fuck this up. I won’t let us.” 

“I thought that was the Winchester way?” Sam says, only half joking. Dean seeks out his hand and fits their fingers together tight.

“Yeah well, we’re like the new and improved versions. The Winchesters have never had me before Sam. You know I don’t give up. You know I’ll never let anything bad happen to you.” They lie there until there’s a small rap on the front door. Sam sits up and runs a hand through his hair hoping to smooth it down. Dean, the jerk, ruffles it up and pushes him up. 

“Go get him tiger.” 

Sam doesn’t look back at Dean as he leaves the room. He knows if Dean sees the look of attempted concealed panic on his face he’ll call the whole thing off. So instead he reaches the front door, shakes himself and opens it.

“Hello Sam.” Cas looks just as nervous as Sam feels and Sam just laughs and feels it drain away.

“Hey Cas, you look good.”

“You always say that no matter what I’m wearing.” Cas looks down at the floor.

“That’s because it doesn’t matter what you wear, your face is what’s good looking.” Sam states, because well, it’s true. “Anyway so I know tonight is our night but, how would you feel about Dean coming with us?” With all his panic fleeing at sight of Cas he doesn’t hesitate in asking. 

“I feel like I’d upset him if I said no.” Cas’ mouth is pulled to one side as his lips settle round the words. Sam steps outside with Cas and shuts the door. He puts his hands on Cas’ shoulders and shakes his head. Maybe they should have waited until it was a date he had planned.

“He won’t. We talked and we thought we should have our first date together. All together. But it doesn’t have to be tonight, I promise you, this is your choice Cas.”

“Could we wait until next time, please? I just… I just um…”

“You don’t need to say another word, it’s done. Next time. Let’s go?” Sam begins walking away from the house and Cas is right there next to him.

They walk in the evening sun towards the town center, Sam has seen a horrifying poster of a clown’s face for a carnival four times now. Sam has never told Cas about his irrational fear of those painted face freaks. But he solemnly wishes he had done as they round the corner and a thousand lights are flashing on rides and tents and at the entrance is a clown handing out balloons. Sam thinks to himself, this is why I pick the date nights, before taking a deep breath and trying to suck it up. He’s on a date with his boyfriend and 16-year-old teenage boys aren’t afraid of clowns. Except for how they are. Right now.

“I can’t go in there.” The words spill from Sam’s mouth and he stops walking.

“What’s the matter?” Cas’ eyes are filled with concern and Sam looks around trying to think of a better excuse than the truth. “Is this because I said no to Dean coming with us?” Cas’ kind eyes shine with a hardness Sam has never seen before.

“No, no, it’s not that.”

“Then what is it?” 

“Let’s just go somewhere else? Yeah?” Sam starts walking away from the bright flashes of color. Cas doesn’t follow him. 

“Sam.” 

“We can go anywhere you like.”

“That’s a lie though, isn’t it.” Cas deadpans and Sam can feel that flood of panic wash over him again. The words and truth gets stuck in his throat and he really wants to hold Cas’ hand but he’s turning away. Sam can’t move his feet as Cas stalks away towards that godamn freaking clown and all Sam can hear is the sound of Dean saying he won’t let them fuck this up, how he won’t let them. Sam snatches his phone out his pocket and presses call on Dean’s name.

“Sam, hey. Cas change his mind? Couldn’t stay aw-”

“Shut up a minute. I need to say I told you so.”

“Are you alright? Told me so about what?”

“Tell me again about how we don’t fit into the Winchester way?”

“Dammit Sam, what happened?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This a little longer than usual to make up for all the spelling mistakes I posted last time, sorry :3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I made you wait so long for an update, <3

Dean swears behind the wheel. He hung up on Sam before he even made it to the car. There are plenty of times Dean thinks he could hit Sam for taking his role as an annoying little brother too well, but it fades when Dean sees his face. This time is different. It’s less than a five-minute drive and as Dean pulls up in front of the Carnival he sees Sam pacing. 

“Where’s Cas?” Dean pulls up and Sam approaches the car.

“He’s inside. I think I crossed some kind of line, I’ve never seen him like that before Dean. He just walked away.” Sam’s face makes Dean’s chest ache just a bit.

“Right, you drive home and I’ll see what I can do.” Dean gets out and tosses Sam the keys. He doesn’t have his license yet but hey, it’s always been fine before. 

“I shouldn’t wait here?” Sam worries, catching the keys but he doesn’t move.

“I don’t think so, just go before I do or say something I’ll regret.” Dean warns him and strides towards the lights and noise, leaving Sam to watch him go. 

It doesn’t take long for Dean to find Cas, he’s standing under a streetlight watching everyone else have fun. Dean is right next to him before Cas notices he’s not alone anymore. 

“Hey Cas, I hear my brother’s been messing his boyfriend around.”

“Hmm, the world we live in is unjust I suppose.” Cas’ voice is filled with a bitterness Dean doesn’t understand. 

“I bet the guy didn’t do a thing to deserve it either, Sam can be… Well Sam. I forget how young he is sometimes, and I don’t mean that as an excuse. I mean that he’s naive and see’s things from a very one-sided point of view. His own.” Dean pauses and Cas is watching the lights of a ride spin around and round.

“Did you know that when I was 14 I figured out the child-lock password on our TV at home? Yeah, well I thought it was great idea to tease my new little brother that he wouldn’t get scared through the entire of Stephen King’s IT. He sat there, through the whole thing not saying a word. He didn’t sleep in his own bed for nearly a month after that.” Dean remembers being so glued to the screen himself that he didn’t notice the horror in Sam’s 12 year old eyes. He still feels like a dick about that even to this day. “I guess he never told you that?”

“He did not…” Cas finally looks at Dean, he looks lost. “Maybe I can’t do this, with you and Sam. You two know each other so well, I’m just an outsider.”

“Hey, hey, hey don’t say that Cas. Yeah Sam and I have known each other longer but I really like you. I know you feel the same.” Dean clenches his jaw, “I know this a lot to ask, being a part of something that already existed but I really want to try.”

“Will you take me home?” Cas crosses his arms and all Dean can think is that he looks miserable and how he could fix it with a kiss. 

“Sure, the cars back home I can drive you from there.”

x x x 

Cas gets home before Meg does, that wasn’t the plan. He makes his way to his room and closes the door, he doesn’t feel like taking to her when she gets home. There’s an unexpected knock on his door just moments after he’s closed it, he didn’t think Anna was home. Cas opens the door again and sure enough, his sister is standing there,

“Castiel?”

“I didn’t think you were home yet, how was your trip?” 

“It was fine, but that’s not why I’m bothering you. Can I come in?” Anna looks tired and Cas wants to ask why. But he doesn’t feel like she’ll tell him any truth. He sits on his bed instead and she follows. 

“I’ve heard a rumor about you.”

“Since when does Anna Masters listen to teenage gossip?” Cas is surprised. 

“Since now Castiel. Is it true? Are you seeing a boy… And his brother?” Anna seems to struggle to ask the question, like she doesn’t even want to say the words. He’s not sure he’s never heard her sound so serious, and for Anna that’s a big deal.

“It’s complicated.”

“It’s wrong.” 

“It’s…” Cas doesn’t know how to finish that sentence. It’s not wrong, how can something of such pure intention and emotion be wrong? “I’ve done nothing wrong Anna, if this is about my sexuality-”

“It isn’t about that.” Anna snaps, “Do you know what people are saying about you?”

“I don’t care, I’ve never cared what others say about me.”

“That’s because they’ve never said things like this.”

“Enlighten me Sister, what are these people saying about me and why should I care?” 

“They’re saying that you’re in the middle of an incestuous relationship, that you’re both of the Winchester’s plaything. They’re saying that they both… Enjoy you, together.” Anna’s voice is tight and Cas can’t tell if she’s berating him or warning him. 

“None of that is true.” Cas says, and it’s not a lie, not really, “Sam and Dean aren’t blood related and I’ve been out with both of them, yes. But not together.” 

“You have to stop this. I know you Castiel. I know that you believe in the same values I do. I know this isn’t you. You can’t deal with the looks, the whispers. You won’t be able to keep this up, the two of them? It’s not you.” Anna doesn’t say it but Cas knows the underlying threat is there, that if he doesn’t stop she’ll tell Meg. While Cas has never been afraid of his Step Mother he does fear being alone and if Meg won’t keep him, he’ll have no one, nowhere to go. 

Anna has almost made it out his room when Cas looks up,

“Would you protect me?” He asks.

“Against what? Yourself? I can’t control you Castiel. Don’t ask me to lie for you.”

She closes the door and Cas is left looking at the back of the white panel. His phone is buzzing in his pocket. He declines the call with looking at it. Yes, he can admit it. He’s been afraid of the reality of his situation. He’s 17 years old and in a polyamorous relationship with two brothers. He had dealt with dating them both separately, him and Sam, him and Dean. It worked. But there’s also Sam and Dean. Who want Sam, Dean and Cas. And Cas thinks he wants it too because he doesn’t want to loose either one of them. He could never choose one Winchester over the other, not only would it be wrong but it would be impossible. And of course there are going to be rumors, there were already rumors about Sam and Dean before Cas even got involved. 

Cas doesn’t know if can risk the security of his home and the only family he has left on his relationship. Perhaps if he can’t choose one, he should choose neither. Perhaps they can just forget about him and they can carry on as they were, before they even knew him. Cas rubs his face into his pillow and breathes slowly into the soft cotton. The real question is, can he give them up at all? Can he look them in eye and say it’s over? The thought alone makes his head ache and wetness creeps down his cheek. His phone is buzzing again and Cas picks up,  
“Hello Sam.”

“Cas! I’m so sorry, I didn’t know what to say earlier but I promise I’ll make it up to you. I’ll even go back and make nice with the goddamn clown if I have to. I think I love you. I… Shit, I mean… Fuck it Cas, I do, I think I love you.” And if Cas was stuck for a decision before well, Sam has just given him the only answer he’s ever needed. 

“Cas? A-Are you still there?”

“I’m still here.”

“Did I just make things a thousand times worse?”

“I don’t think so, I think you’ve just made everything make perfect sense.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Are you Castiel?”

“Cas, yes. Who are you?” Cas is walking into school when someone stops him.

“How did you do it?”

“Do what?” Cas tries to side step her slightly, the girl in front of him is small but she’s a little scary with so much fierceness in her stance. 

“Get Dean Winchester to go out with you?” Cas suddenly remembers her face from before. From the first time he met Dean in the hallway and he knocked him to the ground. 

“Jo? You were chasing Dean when he ran into me?” Cas asks, Jo backs off and her cheeks flush with embarrassment.

“It doesn’t even matter!” Jo announces before stalking away, mumbling something about how her Mom was right. Cas watches her go and makes his way to class, his confusion clear on his face all the way there. 

x x x

Cas thought that being the new kid was bad enough. All that unwanted attention and awkward staring. But being the guy who was dating the Winchester brothers was much worse. It feels like much longer, but it was only two days ago that Sam told Cas that he loved him. Cas feels far too young to be dealing with the feelings circling his head. The added pressure of students either calling him out for his ‘depraved’ dating habits or the naming calling born from jealously is getting old fast. Anna hasn’t spoke to him since her not so subtle warning of telling Meg about Sam and Dean. Cas sighs heavily and then the teacher calls on him and he doesn’t even know what day it is let alone which class he’s in. Something’s got to give. Cas shakes his head and lies his head down on his crossed forearms on the desk dejectedly. 

There’s a hand on Cas’ shoulder as soon as he leaves class, he’s just about to politely, but sternly, tell them to mind their own business when he realizes its Charlie. 

“I got your voicemail last night, what’s wrong?” She pulls him outside and sits on the steps. He joins her on the concrete and can’t help himself when he sighs again.

“That bad? Geez. Tell me all about it angelface.”

“Why does everyone insist on nicknaming me?”

“Because your name is weird, now spill.”

“My Sister doesn’t approve of the relationship I have with Sam and Dean. She’s threatening to tell our Step-Mom if I don’t end it. Honestly, I’m finding it hard to sort out in my own head and I almost convinced myself… That maybe I should just break up with them both. Then Sam told me that he loved me and I haven’t stopped thinking about what it means ever since and everything’s clear but blurry at the same time.” Cas takes a breath and looks at Charlie helplessly, “That and I don’t seem to be able to stop sighing about the whole thing, which in itself is infuriating.”

Charlie has a gentle smile on her face, she blinks at Cas a few times before she concludes,

“I think you’re in over your head. But it kind of sounds like you’re in love.”

“I… L-…Uh…”

“Oh boy, your face just says it all.” Charlie pats him on the shoulder, “What are you gonna do?”

“I think… I think I’m going to be honest. To everyone.” Cas determines, he knows his honesty is a trait that has been both beneficial and detrimental in the past. It feels like a gamble somehow, but it’s the only choice. Charlie leans her head on Cas’ shoulder softly as he sighs again.

x x x

With a sense of renewed purpose Cas tracks down Sam in his lunch hour. Sam is at his locker when Cas sees him. Without hesitation, but with another deep exhalation of breathe – not unlike a sigh – Cas walks right up to Sam, grabs him, pulls him around and kisses him hard. Sam startles in Cas’ grip, eyes wide open in surprise before he lets himself be swept away. Cas’ hands make their way into Sam’s hair, Sam’s wraps his arms around Cas’ middle, pulling them closer together. Cas tilts his head to the left a little and bites his own lip before licking Sam’s mouth open easily. Sam kisses back with all of his enthusiasm, letting Cas control him while their tongues taste each other. It feels like forever when Cas breaks away, his heart hammering in his chest when he says,

“I love you too.”

x x x

Cas thinks about Sam Winchester all night while he waits for Meg to come home. He doesn’t know where Anna is but he hopes she won’t come home before Meg does. He can’t get the taste of Sam out his mouth, not that he wants to but it makes it hard to think about anything rationally. He wants to tangle his fingers around Sam’s grown-out hair, he wants to make Sam breathless underneath him and he wants to hear own name on Sam’s exhale when Cas does dirty things down on his knees. He also wants to lay in bed doing homework next to him, lounge with him in the back of the impala while Dean drives, have Sam's hand in one of his and have Dean’s in the other. 

It all seems quite simple when Cas thinks about it that way. He's trying to figure out exactly what he’s going to say when Meg walks in and then it’s too late for any planning. Cas jumps to his feet and blurts everything out. He speaks fast, stammers and stumbles through the confession so pure in intention but so easily condemnable by those who don’t understand. Meg closes the door slowly behind her as he comes to the end of his heartfelt rant. 

“Are you finished?” She asks, putting her bag and coat down. 

“I…Yes… I would say I’m sorry. But I’m not, not about this. It wouldn’t be honest of me to say. But I am sorry if this puts you in an awkward position. I never wanted to be a burden to you and I know I’m not always easy to be around, live with but-”

“Castiel, please sit down and just be quite for a moment.” Meg tells him and Cas sits down quickly, hands in his lap with his mouth tightly shut. He owes her that much doesn’t he? 

“Castiel, you’ve never once been a burden to me. Please do your best to understand that. And while I’m your legal caregiver, I’m not your parent. I can’t chastise your decisions and I can’t tell you who you should or shouldn’t be. Or in fact who you should or shouldn’t be with.” Meg watches the seventeen year old in front of her, looking so serious as he always does. “I’m sorry your Sister thought it was her place to parent you. I’m sure she meant well but I will always look after you as long as you need it. Your romantic partner, sorry, partners, do not effect me in the slightly, or my view of you.” 

Cas is at loss for words, he never expected Meg’s understanding. He didn’t realize how much he wanted it either as he feels a strange sense of belonging squeeze in his chest as tears prick at the back of his eyes. 

“Why don’t you go get dinner and tell me all about these boys. Today has been long and I could use it.” She smiles wryly and Cas blushes as he stands up to go to the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I will update quicker next time, which will include a little more Dean too :3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry about the delay. I hope you enjoy <3

The sun’s gone down and a nearby streetlight is pooling orange light into Cas’ bedroom. His Mom is doing overtime and Anna is travelling again. He'd be all alone is this house, apart from how it isn't. Dean sitting at Cas’ desk, rolling a pen between his lips and then fingers slowly. Sam is shirtless and has Cas backed up against the headboard of his own bed. Cas isn’t sure how long it’s been since he could breathe properly, he feels dizzy. Sam stripped him of all his clothes when it was still light outside. There are wet, dark mouth-shaped bruises on Cas’ chest, collarbone, hips and there’s thin red fading of fingernail lines running down his back, thighs and throat. Dean has been purring orders from his seat across the room, his voice patience and deliberate. Cas thinks he might be going insane. 

“Sam…S-Sam-” Cas pleads, his voice breaks and his back arches. He doesn’t know what he’s asking for anymore. Sam has one hand braced on the bed and the other is cruelly wrapped tight around Cas’ cock. 

“Hey, no whining to him, remember.” Dean interjects, leaning forward, elbows on his knees. Cas turns his head towards the sound of Dean’s gravel tone, he opens his mouth but no sound comes out. Then Sam’s hands are moving and Cas is laying flat on his back staring dumbly at the ceiling. He’s not sure he has the strength to lift his head off the matress but he tries, only to be pushed back down by Dean. 

“Dean? Please, I-”

“Shh, baby just lie back and relax,” Then he turns to Sam and says, “Get behind him.”

Sam moves and sits cross-legged at the head of Cas’ bed. He tugs at the loose-limbed Castiel until his head is propped up his lap. Cas looks down from the new angle and Dean is pouring clear thick liquid over his own fingers. Cas feels himself tense and jerk with his mind playing catch up and he ends up looking back at Sam who soothes his hair off his sweaty forehead softly. 

“I think he almost came Dean.” Sam chuckles low in his throat and Cas thinks it sounds more like a growl than a laugh. 

“You don’t wanna come yet boyfriend.” Dean drawls, accent thick and Cas has to blink his way out of the seductive haze it puts him in. Sam has one hand in Cas’ hair now and another plays across Cas’ chest, toying with his nipples. Dean rubs his cold, wet fingers against Cas’ opening, deft and calm. Cas forgets his own name as Dean pushes his fingertip through the tight resistance, pushes in, in. Sam’s hands wont stop moving and Dean pulling back out. There’s the noise of cracked whines and whimpers filling the air. Cas is dimly aware that noise is coming from his but between Sam’s fingernails on his abs and now Dean’s two fingers exploring inside him he can’t bring himself to care. 

“Okay, Cas? Are you with me?” Dean is rocking his fingers inside Cas, stretching him. 

“I’m… With. You.” Cas manages to puff out between gulps of breaths. 

“Good boy, now I’m gonna make you cum and you’re gonna love it.” Dean promises, and then he pushes in further, crooks his fingers and rubs restlessly while pumping Cas’ cock purposefully. 

“Dean! I!” Cas cries out, squirms under the hands of both Winchester’s and cums under Dean’s complete control. The pleasure makes his heart stop and his blood pound, Sam holds him down and Dean doesn’t stop. Cas squeezes his eyes shut and his body convulses, half in pain and half in pleasure as another orgasm is ripped through his body. 

Cas can’t hear through the blood rushing in his ears, the overstimulation makes his skin tingle all over and he starts to feel like he’s floating. Cas opens his eyes slowly and Sam is smirking over him. Then he hears Dean’s voice say victoriously,

“Told you you’d love it.”

x x x 

The bell rings and pulls Cas back to reality. He may or may not have been daydreaming about the other night with the Winchesters. He gathers up his books and makes his way to the library for a study period. He’s practicing multiplying fractions in the margins of his history book when Dean barrels through the double doors, scanning the room manically. Cas stands up as Dean spots him,

“Have you seen Sam?” Dean demands, voice gruff with something Cas doesn’t recognize. 

“No I haven’t seen him today. What what’s the matter Dean?” 

“Call me if you see him.” Dean turns to leave and Cas grabs him arm, worried.

“No, Dean. Tell me, is Sam alright?” 

“Cas, let go I need to find him. Now!” Dean yanks himself away from Cas’ grip and strides towards the door. Cas follows him, leaving his books on the table.

“Dean? Dean!”

“We’re moving! Okay? We’re moving, again. And I need to find Sam because he loves it here. He’s happy here and I need to tell him before John does. I need to find him and I need to stop this and… I need…” Dean’s face crumples in what Cas thinks look like defeat. “I can’t stop this. I’m not old enough, not strong enough to keep us here, with you. Cas I can’t stop this.” 

x x x 

Cas certainly isn’t sure about what he’s about do. The impala glistens in the driveway, it’s dark and it’s size could be considered menacing but it gives Cas comfort as he walks up to the front door. He knocks three times and before he’s prepared anything to say, it swings open and John Winchester is standing there. 

“Sir, my name is Cas and I go to school with your sons.”

“Your name is Cas?” John raises an eyebrow. 

“It’s short for Castiel yes, Dean told me that you’re moving and I know that I don’t have any right to ask this but I think I’m in-” 

“Let me stop you right there kid.” John crosses his arms and leans against the doorframe. “I’m sure Dean has talked a good game, that boy can charm the pants off anyone but he’s not available so take your good intentions of a crusade in the name of love or whatever you think it is and go bother someone who has time for it.” 

Cas is about two seconds away from the door being slammed in his face, so he plays the only card he has, lie.

“I know the truth, I know your secret.” 

And the door doesn’t close.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this has been a ridiculously long wait, I don't know how to apologise enough. Life get's in the way sometimes but I hope you enjoy <3

John feels the guilt spike in his stomach as his heart stars racing,

“Listen kid, whatever you think you know…” He trails off, as the lie dies on his tongue a pair of very blue determined eyes blink slowly, fierce and calm. John changes direction,

“What do you want?” He knows when someone’s lying, he’s knows when he’s beat. The teenager seems taken aback, John sighs, so young. 

“Please don’t move.” Straight to the point, John can respect that. He crosses his arms in contemplation, 

“Fine, for now.” The door closes and Cas guesses he’s won, at least for now. 

x x x

Sam sits on his bed with Cas pressed up along his side. 

“How did you get John to change his mind?” Dean asks, pacing from one side of the room to other. Cas has been dodging his questions, mainly that question, for as long as he can. He can hear the patience running out in Dean’s voice and Sam keeps fidgeting next to him. Cas wasn’t even sure before today, not really. He has had the feeling since he first saw a picture of John in the Winchester’s home, and when Dean talked about his Mother, it matched the picture of a blonde with a baby in her arms that Sam had shown him one night, that he said he’d never shown anyone else before. 

Dean has his Mother’s eyes but Sam has her smile. Dean holds himself like John and Sam has his height, there isn’t any proof in it, Cas has been mistaken for Meg’s son before. Doesn’t mean it’s true. And Cas suspects that John is keeping the secret for a good reason, but Cas called his bluff and now Sam and Dean know something’s up. Cas thinks about how everything in his life comes back to honesty, but he feels like it isn’t his place to say it out loud. He feels like it needs to be something Sam and Dean figure out together, without him.

“I told him I knew his secret, and that was enough to call his bluff.” Cas shrugs trying to downplay the avalanche he can feel beginning to rumble. 

“Which was what?” Dean snaps at him, frustration building in his veins. He’s never been able to stop John from moving him and Sam around, he’s never been able to find the magic words or the strongest hand. It doesn’t make sense. If Cas can stop it then why couldn’t he?

“Dean, can’t we just be happy we’re staying?” Sam pipes up, sounding miserable, looking from Dean to Cas. Dean rubs a hand down his face, 

“If you don’t care what secret John has that’s bad enough to keep him in one place after he’s made his god damn stubborn mind up about it, then let the adults talk.” Dean can’t stop his anger tainting his words as he opens the door and gestures for Sam to leave. 

“God Dean, you’re such an ass sometimes.” Sam stands up throwing his hands in the air, making his way the open door, “I’m only leaving before I say something I don’t mean.” And with that Dean and Cas are left alone. 

“It’s not my place to say.” Cas hurries his words out. Dean stands in front of the bedroom door, arms crossed, blocking the exit. Dean feels his patience run out, he’s snapped at Cas, now Sam and he’s out of options. Without Sam there to keep his anger under wraps, without Sam’s judgement he can feel the words crawling up his throat before he can stop them,

“Tell me right this second or this is over, and not just me and you. You and Sam too, you know he won’t choose you over me.” Dean watches as Cas’ face crumbles, he hates himself and he can feel Sam’s disappointment even though he’s not there to see it. Then Cas tells him the truth, just like he wanted, with his voice low and sounding so close to broken it makes Dean shake just a little, and then with the realisation, just a little more.

“You and Sam have the same Mother, Mary. And John didn’t adopt you, he’s your biological Father.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter because you all deserve it after waiting for over half a year to get an update. Thanks for sticking around/giving it a chance <3

It’s only been one night. One night since Dean found out the truth, since he forced Cas into a corner and ripped the confession right out of his honest hands. Dean hadn’t had the strength to stop Cas from leaving as soon as the words left his mouth. Or maybe, Dean thinks, it was just that he didn’t have the nerve. Dean wonders when he became the dumb young brother, he’s always been the one holding them together nothing matter what, but last night he tore everything apart, and for what? His pride, his pride that is no doubt actually a cheap rip off of John’s pride which brings him back to the truth and everything makes sense and he feels dizzy. 

Sam hasn’t spoke to him either, he doesn’t know if he’s spoken to Cas. He doesn’t want to admit the truth to Sam, the truth of how he threatened Cas or the truth about their parents. Their parents, the same parents. Dean has tried to convince himself that it’s not true but he also knows John wouldn’t have backed down if it wasn’t. Which leaves him with the truth, a brother that’s not talking to him and a boyfriend who should never want to see him again. Dean’s first instinct is to go to Sam, but he doesn’t want to walk into that blind, which means he’s going to have to talk to Cas first to find out if he’s been honest with Sam too. So he lets out a deep breath and grabs John’s coat on the way out because honestly Father or not he could use some of that man’s bravado right about now. 

Dean doesn’t bother calling first, he wouldn’t pick up if he was Cas. He’s grateful it’s the weekend and he knocks on Cas’ door, he can’t deal with school right now too. 

“Dean.” Cas doesn’t make eye contact as he opens the door, he keeps one hand on the door and the other wrapped around himself, Dean feels terrible. 

“Cas, I know that it doesn’t make up for anything right now, but I am truly sorry. I had no right to force your hand like that, no matter my reasons it was wrong and if you never want to see me again, believe me I get it but I need to know-”

“I haven’t spoke to Sam.” Cas’ voice is so quiet Dean has to watch lips move carefully. “Was there anything else?”

Dean flinches at the final tone of voice, but knows he has no right to expect anything else. He looks at Cas with too much emotion in his face, he never thought anyone would matter to him as much as Sam, but with Cas standing in front of him, blue eyes cast down and teeth digging into his soft mouth with nerves he wants nothing more than to gather him up in his arms and kiss all the pain away. But that’s not what Cas wants right now, and Dean feels like he’s being unfair when he says it but he needs Cas to know.

“I know I don’t have the right, and honestly if you want to punch me in the face or slam the door then do. But Cas, I love you.” Dean watches, a feeling of despair twisting in his gut, and he doesn’t get punched but the look on Cas’ face coupled with the door being slammed closed hurts more. 

x x x

Dean doesn’t think he can feel any worse, but when Sam pulls him in for a hug as soon he gets home, the guilt ramps up. 

“I’m sorry for not taking your side Dean, I just want us to be happy, all of us.” Sam speaks into Dean’s shoulder, hair brushing the side of his face. The familiarity of it makes Dean want to cry. 

“I’m a terrible person Sam, don’t be sorry. You were right and I was wrong.” Dean knows he doesn’t deserve the kindness but he hugs Sam back tight because he really needs it right now.

“You’re the best Dean, you know there’s nothing you can do to change my mind.” Sam pulls back, a soft smile on his face. Dean grabs his hand back because he isn’t brave enough to admit his mistake without the support. 

“When you left last night, I told Cas that he had to tell me what the secret was, or else it was over between us. And I told him that went for you and him too.” Dean braces himself for the fallout and it stars with his fingers left trying to hold on to thin air. 

“You… You threatened him with your relationship… And mine and his? Ours?” Sam’s disbelief shines in his brown puppy-dog eyes, like he doesn’t want to accept his brother is capable but knowing at the same time he is. 

“I know it wasn’t my place Sammy, I am so sorry and I’ll make this up to the both of you I swear to God. Just don’t hate me, please? I’ve never been able to stop John from moving us, I’ve never been able to stop him from tearing us away from anything we found that’s good. But Cas did and it made me feel-”

“Made you feel what Dean? You don’t have to be the hero all the time. It’s not your job to look after, it’s not your job to stop bad things happening in the world but I’ve always trusted you to do those things because you’ve never let me down. Not until now.” Sam feels tears prickling behind his eyes and walks away before Dean can see him cry. 

x x x

Sam calls Cas as soon as he’s in his room. They talk in quiet voices and Sam is glad he isn’t called out on crying, making sure he offers the same curtsey to Cas when his turn comes. Sam doesn’t ask about the secret, honestly he doesn’t even want to know, he just wants everything to be okay again. Sam doesn’t make excuses for Dean, not like he always has done and Cas shies away from the mention of Dean completely. Cas tells Sam he doesn’t want to speak to Dean and Sam understands. Cas doesn’t tell the secret or say that Dean told him that he loved him. The anger was never between the two of them anyway. Sam tells Cas he won’t let Dean come between them, that he loves him and doesn’t want to lose him. Cas goes real quiet for a long time and Sam lets the silence sit with them both because it’s a lot to take and for that long moment Sam feels a lot older than his 16 years. 

Another day is almost over before Sam says goodbye to Cas. They’re going to be okay, Sam is sure of it. Which leaves his relationship with Dean, and sure he’s pissed but he can’t keep his anger up when it comes to Dean. They’ve always been everything to each other and he knows Dean will be punishing himself enough for the two of them. So he makes his way to Dean’s room and pushes the door open without asking. 

“Hey Dean.” Sam walks in uninvited and Dean rubs his eyes again with his sleeve. Dean sits up against the wall behind his bed readying himself as much as he can for a fight. Then Sam walks over to him, climbs on his bed and curls up in Dean’s lap and hides his face into his older brother’s shirt. 

“I know you’re sorry.” Sam assures him quietly. Dean sniffs not so quietly into Sam’s shoulder, wondering what he did in a past life to deserve Sam in his life. He wraps his arms around Sam and swears never to let himself hurt him again. 

“I’ll never mess up like that again Sammy, I swear.” 

“I know, I know.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Dean, you’ve been looking after me since I was a kid. I forgive you, I know you’re beating yourself up enough for the both of us. But I can’t speak for Cas, you know we’re in this together no matter what, but whatever has been said between you and him needs sorting between you and him.”

“I promise I’ll try.”

“I know. Just don’t ever do that again. My life is my own and so are my choices, don’t use me to hurt him, ever.”

Dean shallows the shame built in the back of his throat. 

“I won’t.” He knows when he’s walking on thin ice with Sam and one of those times is now. He’d curses himself a few more times before allowing Sam to pull him down, his chest against Sam’s back, hair in his face, just like home. 

“I’ll fix it.” Dean promises, pressing a kiss to back of Sam’s neck. Never hurting him includes keeping this secret, and if that means things between him and Cas are over, then Dean is going to have to let half his heart break.


End file.
